Fear In The Face Of Change

Person in dark tunnel going towards the light. Hope fear "afterlife" concepts

I suppose it’s to be expected I shouldn’t put myself down too much.  When I step back and assess my life and how I’ve tended to respond to various circumstances, I can see that change brings up fear for me.  Big change brings up big fear.  And the plans for this coming fall represent REALLY big change.

The journey we are preparing for is truly a trip into the unknown.  I have no real reference for it and can’t even really project what it will be like.  I have never lived out of a vehicle for more than about 3 weeks.  I haven’t been out of internet range for more than about 72 hours in the last 5 years.  I am finding myself unable to prepare myself emotionally for this trip.   This leaves my thoughts in a state of unrest as there is nothing solid for them to grab onto.

Although I imagine that this adventure will lead to beautiful, sunny vistas, it’s amazing how fear still creeps in.  No matter how much I try to reassure myself that this will be wonderful, the response to change remains the same as it always has and I feel myself approaching a cliff edge representing the unknown.  The draw to pull closer is irresistible, and I am reminded of a friend of mine who has an extreme fear of heights because she doesn’t trust that someday she won’t resist the intense urge to jump.  Will I jump when the change is upon us?  Will it even be a jump or a gentle nudge from the continent of Familiar and Known?

2 Responses to Fear In The Face Of Change

  1. Frieda Bakker February 12, 2018 at 11:35 am #

    Dear Gabriella,

    A message, in 2018, from Ecuador. I literally see the pelicans fly buy, just now, while writing this.
    We are both adventurers, and sensitive. I sometimes bang my head against the wall: why do I want to experience life??? Why?!? Because during the move or jump if you will, I actually don’t like it. At all. I feel so misplaced and restless. And nervous beforehand, and weird once arrived or through it. It always takes a while to adjust.

    I saw this post and it was nice to know that I’m not the only one who’s afraid! Does it hold me back? Sometimes. I don’t like it. And yet there is an itch. And so I breathe…

    I think you’re in your boat right now. We’re overlooking the same ocean!! I wish I could share a pic of how I’m sitting. On a deck, two high, breeze. Waves. Surf dudes. And I’m red as a lobster. Totally underestimated the sun here. And overestimated myself and my tan. Stupid white woman! haha

    Cheers Gabriella! To weird life experiences!

    • Gabriella February 16, 2018 at 11:34 am #

      Oh Frieda!! I love the image of us looking across the same body of water at the same time!! Thank you for reflecting so perfectly these funny qualities about myself. I totally get everything you shared here. And no wonder you and I are kindred spirits!! Come visit us in Baja!! Three kisses!

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